Some might say I am a cantankerous curmudgeon that is against everything and not for anything. For those who believe in limited government, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and/or government that can be a force for good, I might be viewed as an argumentative contrarian who disregards the desires of the majority for some narrow self-interests. But this is simply not true. I believe everyone should have exactly what they want as long as it is peaceful. I have quite a few beliefs and here are just a few:
I believe that a Christian woman who becomes pregnant as a result of an adulterous affair with her preacher should not have an abortion if she doesn't want one.
I believe that an alcoholic authoritarian who wants to lock up drug addicts in a crowded prison filled with violent people should not smoke marijuana or crack if he doesn't want to.
I believe that a thoughtful liberal should not have to fight in or pay for wars of aggression started by right-wing war profiteers.
I believe that a hillbilly meth freak who hates foreign music and wants it banned from the airwaves should be free to change the radio station.
I believe that a progressive manly man who does not believe in same-sex marriages should not marry another man if he doesn't want to.
I believe that a conservative manly women who wants to marry two goats should be able to if she wants to.
I believe that a mean-spirited conservative should not have to fight in or pay for humanitarian wars started by enlightened liberals.
I believe that an anxious liberal who wants rifles that look scary banned should not be forced to own one.
I believe that a foreign junkie who hates hillbilly music and wants it banned from the airwaves should be free to change the radio station.
I believe that no ugly person should commit an act of violence against another unless in self defense.
I believe that no clever person should commit theft or fraud to obtain property belonging to another.
I believe that a society should not form governments to commit acts of violence or engage in theft or fraud against individuals or other societies.
I believe that stupid people should be free to select which charities to contribute to as opposed to a government redistributing wealth to the politically favored.
I believe that tall people should be free to hire fat people from other countries without permission from a government.
I believe that a radical feminist lesbian who becomes pregnant by artificial insemination should be able to have an abortion if she wants one and she pays for it.
I believe that an educated person who kills someone for kicks is no less evil than an idiot who kills someone because of hatred.
I believe that quirky people should be able to do anything they want to without permission from a government.
I believe that all people are not created equal but regardless of one's physical or intellectual abilities, all people should be treated as human beings - except politicians.
I believe that an intelligent black man should not be forced to involuntarily associate with a beautiful asian woman.
I believe that a greedy capitalist, an altruistic communist, or anyone else should be able to sell anything they want at any price they determine as long as nobody is forced to buy it.
I believe that conservative politicians should be given the same respect one would give to child molesters.
I believe that a Christian man should be able to view videos of buff guys dressed as sailors having anal sex if he wants to.
I believe that a progressive atheist should not have to pay for the upkeep of property used for the promotion of any religion.
I believe that silly people should be responsible for the care and education of their own children.
I believe that really cool Hollywood movie stars who donate millions of dollars to liberal causes should not have to pay tribute to a government.
I believe that selfish right-wing corporate fat cats who never donate a dime to charity should not have to pay tribute to a government.
I believe that apolitical window washers that smell bad should not have to pay tribute to a government.
I believe that nobody should be forced to pay for products, services or protection that are not wanted.
I believe that liberal politicians should be given the same respect one would give to child molesters.
I believe that crazy people should be free to engage in any business they want without a special license from a government.
I believe that everyone should mind their own business.
I believe that nobody has a right to control the lives of others.
I believe that imperfect people should accept the consequences of their own actions.
I believe that libertarian intellectuals should not have to obtain permission from a government to build a home.
I believe that dumb people who vote for a politician not vowing to dismantle the state are committing an act of aggression against society.
I believe that goofy people who vote for a politician vowing to dismantle the state are probably wasting their time.
I believe that reactionary people who are offended by others are offensive and should have their asses kicked if they lash out violently simply because they are offended.
These are just a few of my beliefs. I have more, but I've probably created enough anger and hostility already to reveal them all at this time. I've often heard the old maxim that opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. But, rarely do people contemplate the validity of opinions asserted by those who are assholes or have their heads inserted into assholes. The final belief that I will share is that those political sociopaths who seek to control, exploit and/or harm others are the collective asshole of society and those who blindly follow them have their heads inserted into this giant societal asshole.
UPDATE: A 350-pound Samoan Wrestler who read this article wanted to know if I thought it should be legal for lesbian biker nuns with crappy jailhouse tatoos on their faces to ride choppers without helmets while carrying several pounds of marijuana and a semi-automatic rifle with a 30-round magazine. Well, sure. Why not? Although personally I would feel more comfortable if they were bi-sexual with professionally done tatoos, it would be rude of me to mention that to them. It's always best to be open-minded about the preferences and tastes of others.
This article contributed by Tom Blanton of Richmond, Virginia.