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The economic crisis in America has the politicians scrambling to make it look like they are doing something to solve the problem they have created. The poor bastards need bailout money, and plenty of it. Christmas is here and the go-getters on Wall Street are waiting for their bonus checks and the captains of industry are standing in line for a helping hand. The politicians know that if they don't play Santa, there are going to be a lot of Scrooges around when it comes time for their corporatist cronies to fill their campaign coffers.

The nation's economic problems came about because lazy Americans haven't been earning enough money to offset the inflationary practices of the politicians and their central banker partners. This has resulted in the riff raff not spending enough, not investing enough, and not paying enough in taxes to keep the American Dream alive for those who count. Even worse, the lazy wankers have let their property values tumble, leaving little equity to borrow against.

Clearly, it's time for American citizens to step up to the plate and do their part to keep this great nation afloat. Grand and glorious wars aren't cheap and the men who go to meetings every day to keep things running smoothly can't be expected to work for less than the 7-figure incomes they deserve. After all, bombers and corporate jets don't grow on trees. The yokels need to understand that the wars, prisons, and government programs they insist on cost big bucks.

The government is being forced to print dollars and borrow funds to pay for the American way of life and citizens can do two simple things to reduce the amount of fiat money that must be created. This simple 2-step plan will mitigate the inflationary practice of printing paper money and will benefit the economy almost as much as bailing out unfortunate wealthy investors who took risks and lost money through no fault of their own.

Do your patriotic duty - don't cash that economic stimulus check!

First, Americans should not cash their 2008 Economic Stimulus checks unless they were planning to make a campaign contribution to a qualified political candidate. Let the government keep the money. It needs the cash more than a bunch of deadbeats unwilling to earn enough money to pay their fair share of taxes. It may not seem to be very much, but 35 cents here and 35 cents there starts to add up to some real money. Real Americans may want to consider donating their 2008 Income Tax Refund checks to Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson's Wall Street Bailout Fund.

A little red ink transforms worthless fiat dollar into a valuable Bozo Buck!

Second, Americans can use some red ink to increase the value of their dollars. A red felt-tip pen plus a few minutes of effort can add value to any dollar and provide citizens with an artistic outlet to express their patriotism instead of whining about the recession in their minds. Transforming regular fiat dollars into Bozo Bucks makes spending money more fun, thereby increasing velocity, or the number of times the dollar is turned over in the marketplace. Ten Bozo Bucks will buy no more than ten ordinary dollars, but the increased economic activity will generate more spending, more profits, more jobs, and more tax revenue.

Fellow Americans, get off your selfish asses and give our political and business leaders a helping hand. Don't let them shoulder the burden of this economic crisis alone. Convert all your dollars to Bozo Bucks and don't cash that stimulus check. It's the least you can do for your country.

This article contributed by Tom Blanton of Richmond, Virginia.