Praise the Lawd and pass the ammo. I've finally seen the Gawddamn light thanks to Glenn Beck, the neoconservative neochristian talk radio host. The other day I tuned in and I heard the word. Glenn was advocating putting bullets between the eyes of looters in New Orleans. That would surely make everything okay in New Orleans. Suddenly, I got it.
How foolish of me to miss the truth of neoconservative neochristianity when Gawd's messenger Pat Robertson called for the assassination of the commie satan-worshipping dictator of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. We'll show the Gawddamn world who is good by killing the evil-doers.
I was too busy asking why 9/11 happened to listen when Gawd's President explained that the evil ones wanted to kill us all because they hate our way of life. What a fool I was. I was too blind to see the good in killing thousands of Gawddamn potential evil-doers in Afghanistan and Iraq after a bunch of Saudi hijackers attacked America.
How stupid of me not to realize that putting bullets between the eyes of evil-doers is the Lawd's way. I don't know why it took so long for all of Gawd's messengers to get through to me. Now that I have seen the light, I want to spread the word.
All of us good people need to come together to rid the world of evil. If I had only listened to President Bush when he explained why we have to fight the war against evil, I would have been calling for more killing long ago. I would have been insisting that the Gawdless Mideast be carpet bombed. I hope Gawd will forgive me for my lapse.
Us good people need to act before the Gawdless heathens can commit their evil deeds. This is why we must crush the nations of all the evil-doers to prevent them from doing the evil that all good neoconservative neochristians know they are planning. America must kill everyone in the world that hates our goodness. We can't wait for them to attack us first - this is a Gawddamn Holy War!
Gawd's messengers on talk radio have taught me to hate all those who seek to destroy America and the values all good neoconservative neochristians cherish - like the right to life. This includes gays, poor people, immigrants, liberals, libertarians, communists, people addicted to certain drugs, people who wear funny hats, Democrats, antiwar activists, all protesters, baby killers, certain movie stars, certain TV news anchors, socialists, anarchists, and looters. All of these hateful extremists must be dealt with to save America from certain doom.
It is hard work hating so many people, but good people must pray to Gawd for the strength to hate these America-haters. We must show our love for our Gawd and his President by praying that the holy bullets from the guns of good assassins find their way to the heads of anyone who disagrees with the righteousness of neoconservative neochristianity.
It will take many bullets between the eyes of evil-doers and potential evil-doers to save America. We can also pray to our neochristian Gawd that he smite certain people dead. Pat Robertson recently prayed for Gawd to open up vacancies on the Supreme Court and now the Chief Justice is dead. Amen! Anyone who says prayer doesn't work should get a bullet between their eyes.
This article contributed by Tom Blanton of Richmond, Virginia.