Excitement is in the foul air as the crimson moon shines faintly through the murky fog. The living dead zombie slaves stumble about in the graveyard and the undead vampire slaves watch them in anticipation of the evil rituals that will soon take place.
The zombies have brought their living dead infants to give as tribute to their leader - that one called McPain. In silence, McPain staggers from his crypt with a creepy grimace on his pasty face. With a disturbing urgency, he rips the flesh from the zombie children and devours it while the living dead parents shuffle about yearning for a nod of approval from McPain.
The vampire known as Obamferatu glides from his ornate tomb into the midst of his adoring undead slaves. On their knees, the slaves thrust their undead infants upward at Obamferatu hoping he will stare into their sunken eyes and reward them with a mesmerizing smile. After draining several small children, innocent blood drips from the vampire master's smiling mouth.
Screaming demons from hell, laughing psychopaths, and chattering necrophiliacs looking for cheap thrills gather behind tombstones to watch the bloodsport. Spectral ghouls suddenly appear and demand that those gathered pay attention as McPain and Obamferatu consume the last morsels of the flesh and blood offerings.
McPain and Obamferatu then come together in an open space at the center of the graveyard. They look at each other and recite the same ancient incantations that the zombies and vampires that came before them recited. Moving left and then right in jerky motions, they praise each other. Then, they curse each other. The undead begin to breathe heavily and the living dead make awful gurgling sounds. The participants in this hideous ritual know that a bloody battle will ensue once the customary talking stops.
Moments later, the living dead and the undead begin to fight. Zombies rip the flesh from the bones of the vampires and use the bones to thrash the undead slaves. The undead knock off the heads of the living dead using limbs torn off the slow-moving zombies. The psychopaths laugh hysterically as they shout out predictions of which group of slaves will win this gruesome fight. The necrophiliacs masturbate wildly like rabid monkeys. The demons watch intently. They will be the ones that decide who will rule the graveyard after most of the slaves have given all they have to give.
It is at this stage of the hideous ritual that one must walk away or risk losing their soul. After witnessing the horrifying battle spectacle, there isn't much need for a living human to witness the secret rites that take place during the demons' coronation of the new ruler of the crypts. It is said no man can witness these secret rites, which include counting the body parts, without going mad. After all, a free living being should have no interest in who rules the living dead zombie slaves or the undead vampire slaves.
This article contributed by Tom Blanton of Richmond, Virginia.